Today is October 15th.
It is also known as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day."
I normally do not write a poem, but it was part of writing with therapy as a way for me to remember the two babies that we lost two years ago and today, I'd like to share it.
Before E, we had two babies that didn't make it past eleven and eight weeks.
After the second loss, I went through many tests and they found several blood disorders that I was unaware of and are genetic. The good that came from the loss doesn't mean that we forgot the devastated feeling to never being able to meet the babies. To read the original post, click here.
And while pregnancy and infant loss is discussed more now than it has ever been before, what isn't talked about is how it feels after a "rainbow baby."
Because the other babies are still gone. Our sweet baby E didn't replace the two that we lost. She's her own person, and we may love her more since we experienced pregnancy loss, but she didn't replace the other two. We still grieve for the children we will never know.
I wrote this poem - and I am not a poet (I struggle to write anything under 500 words) - as part of my therapy as I was grieving still for the two babies, and at the same time, anxious about being pregnant with E. We hadn't yet heard her heartbeat, and writing about the other two babies helped.
The poem is not perfect, and I have signed the poem as well (on my YouTube page). The ASL is not perfect, because I do a mixture of PSE and ASL. And since I am still working on creating videos and marketing, the video itself is low-quality.
But none of that matters. What matters is remembering our two angel babies today.
"We Will Never"
We will never see you grow
or watch you imitate your big brother.
We will never hear you call us
Father and mother.
We will never teach you sign language,
or how to cook.
We’ll never read stories and
adventure books.
Even though we didn’t know your personality,
or pick out your name,
We still loved you all the same.
You are our babies,
our stars in the sky.
We remember you daily,
thinking of the missed time gone by,
knowing you’ll never be forgotten.
I do have several other poems during this time that I may share another day, but for now, for anyone who has experienced the devastating pregnancy and infant loss, I am thinking of you today.
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