"I'm Deaf (hard-of-hearing). I need to see your lips. Can you take your mask off?"
How does one survive during the pandemic and a mask required world while deaf?
I feel like these words are on repeat for me. Whenever I go anywhere (Target, doctor's appointments for H, etc.), these are the first words that I say.
"I'm deaf. I can't understand without seeing your mouth."
And they keep talking. I can see that you are moving your mouth. No, I cannot hear you. This is why I asked you to remove your mask.
"But...you sound perfectly fine. What do you mean you can't hear?"
or
"You don't look deaf. I'm don't want to remove my mask."
Tell me, what does a deaf person look like? Wouldn't I look like you just with hearing aids (and glasses, if you want to get technical).
Everyone has their own accents. Everyone has different language skills. I was raised oral, meaning, I only spoke in my house while growing up. I didn't learn sign language until I was in college.
I do get that I am well-spoken. I've been told often enough that I don't "sound" Deaf. That because I can "speak," I must be "lying" and "pretending" that I'm Deaf.
I'm not.
I have the hearing tests to prove it. I have the stress of remembering my parents trying to find the extra money to pay for hearing aids when I was a kid to breathing a sigh of relief that I could get free and updated ones when we moved to Alabama when I was in high school. I have the anxiety of getting too much water in the hearing aids and dryer didn't work, so they were broken and I had to figure out how I could get another pair since I was out of college and VRS and insurance didn't pay for them. Of taking test after test and being told "I'm not Deaf enough" for cochlear implants (before I knew more about cochlear and decided I didn't want to go that way) to "I'm not hearing enough" to apply for my dream job as a translator. Of getting the goo in your ear and giggling while it squirted out and then hardened in your ear so you could be fitted for the molds - and realizing not everyone one goes through that when I was five. Of any kind of altitude change or weather change and my ears pop constantly and I miss out on whole conversations because of the popping. Of the vertigo and clumsiness of balance issues (this is from both glasses and hearing).
Not to mention, I have the confusion of missing a joke, the frustration of not hearing a teacher when they turn their back to me, the anxiety that my child stopped breathing at night because I can't hear him, so I get up every hour to feel that they are breathing. People saying "never mind" or "it's not important" when I ask "Can you say that again?" or "I missed it, can you please repeat?" Of feeling my phone vibrate with a text message instead of a birthday call because you know you won't hear what they say. Someone calling 26 times because you didn't hear your alarm and forgot to turn the vibrate on and they know you didn't want to miss your nephew's birthday party 2 hours away - and were trying to find someone who could bang on your window to wake you up. A full conversation at your back because you didn't know someone came up and then they tap you, handing you a pen or paper you dropped, before walking off in a huff and you have NO idea what happened to make them upset. Fire alarms and tornado warnings going off and people texting "are you okay?" and you try not to feel dumb with the response "yeah, why?" because you don't hear them.
All these experiences are pushed aside and shrugged off because I "sound" hearing.
Well, I'm not hearing.
And during COVID19, when masks are required and I try to explain, "I can't hear you, I need to see your lips," I'm becoming more and more frustrated and upset. I'm not lying. But "clear" masks are not required. Any masks will do, according to the news. Just wear a mask.
But, we have to still social/physical distance - it's not like they are close enough to breathe on me - and if I keep my mask on, why can't workers help out? Remove their masks?
But you're Deaf. You know how to communicate to make yourself understood.
Yes, I do. But why should it just depend on me?
Two examples of what happened recently - and then I'll hop off my soapbox.
My niece was watching H for the morning so I could concentrate on work. I decided we'd have Chick-fil-A for lunch. We headed out about lunchtime to pick up food to bring home to eat. My mask was in the car, so when we pulled up to order, I said, "Hi, I have hearing aids. I need to see your mouth to know what you are asking."
The girl looked at me startled, so I repeated myself. She held up a finger, went to her co-worker, and I only assume, asked what she should do. The co-worker seemed to be pointing to me and (a guess on my part due to what happened next) telling her we'd be safe enough since I was in the car and she could just stand further back. The girl came back and pulled her mask down. I thanked her, left my mask up and ordered.
I did another assumption (incorrectly this time), that she warned the others.
When I got to the window, I stated it again "Hi, I have hearing aids. If you are talking to me, I'll need to see your lips to know what you are saying."
The guy starts talking. I held up my hand and stated my spiel again. He keeps talking. So I look back and forth between him and the guy in the window and state, "I'm deaf. I read lips. I can't see your lips through your mask. I do not know what you are telling me."
About 3 minutes later, the guy in the window pulls down his mask and asks for my name. I state it and he asks if I need anything else. I say no.
But, before I leave, I took a breath because they needed to be educated. Oh people. Sometimes, I hate this part. Why is it up to me? I think.
I take another breath, knowing I'm holding up the lunch line at Chick-Fil-A (which, you guys know, this is a no-no), and say as clearly as possible through a mask,
"I am verbal but just because I can speak doesn't mean that I can hear. I have to see your lips. If you are serving Deaf/Hard-of-Hearing people in line, you need to help make accommodations. Whether you stand more the 6-feet back and pull your mask down, or have a whiteboard to write down the question, any of this would be better than me spending 5 minutes telling you what I need and you not realizing that I am being serious. My ears don't hear. But my voice is fine."
I'm sure I said more, but that stuck out. They didn't say anything and I drove off. One good thing came out of it: my 9-year old niece said, "Wow. Why didn't they help you?" I tried to explain to her that not everyone understands.
This wasn't the only time.
I've given up on speaking when I'm wearing a mask. No one understands that just because I can speak doesn't mean I can hear.
My second example has a happier ending. I needed to do a return to Target. I made my plan before, typing up the answers I was sure they'd ask. Once there, I had my mask on and I just pointed to my ears and shook my head (because most people didn't get the sign for "Deaf", but understand that gesture). One lady in line kept talking to me. I'm pretty sure I did the same motion five or so times. Finally, I signed a full sentence, basically stating "I'm deaf. I cannot understand you." And she kept pointing at my son. So, something about him, but I still have no idea what she was saying.
But the real point of this example is the worker. I showed my phone, pointed to my ears, and handed the return over. She in turn (I had said I could read her lips in the note) wrote out a couple of questions (license, exchange, etc.) and I quickly typed my answers.
Wham, bam. I was in and out in under 5 minutes with no frustration (except the line lady) or feeling like I needed to educate someone about how I don't hear but can speak.
Both of these stories to say, masks + COVID19 = even tougher time for those with hearing loss. We depend on faces - not just lips - but all the expressions to know what is going on. And if someone says they need to see your face/lips, please listen and do your best to accommodate in the safest way possible. Because I guarantee you, it is not the first time they've asked and more likely than not, they are getting frustrated and upset while trying to navigate this new "normal."
And if you see me out and I don't speak to you, it's not personal. I probably didn't hear you. Get my attention, make sure I can see your face, and I'll talk to you.
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