It's always... interesting... to see what I've accomplished right around now. Looking back at January, I was optimistic. That's the only way I can describe it. Optimistic.
Unfortunately, this year I feel so behind.
Behind in editing.
Behind in writing.
Behind in reading.
Behind in drawing.
Behind in... whatever I am working on.
It feels as if all I do is work (day job) and be a mum. I have nothing left to give to being productive - whether this is a creative or cleaning productiveness.
There is nothing bad about working hard and being a mum; however, they don't fill my need for creativity. I'd love to be able to say that I am able to do something for myself every night. But the reality is most of the time I fall asleep trying to do something for myself only wake up at midnight on the couch and drag myself up to my bed to get some rest before the next day starts again.
Let's start with what I haven't done.
I didn't do CAMP (NANO) in April.
I haven't written very much - though, I did start plotting a retelling for A Little Princess. Maybe it will be a mixture between A Little Princess and the Secret Garden. I haven't *quite* decided yet.
I haven't touched most of my projects since January.
I haven't cleaned for 30 minutes a night (I really need to do this.)
What have I actually done?
I started some "editing" (using very loosely):
I did pull it all into Scrivener and, let's just say, I have my work cut out for me. I still haven't decided if I want to plan on two full novels, or just a larger novel separated into parts.
I also pulled all of the Deaf fairy tales I've fractured and re-written into Scrivener. Pulling it in made me realize that the anthology will need to be a bit more balanced. I have stories from either 3.000 to 10,000 words. I think there can be some variation, but not that much.
I have posted on TikTok (not really Instagram lately) at least a couple of times a month - and have created some drafts.
And, I have learned a new craft: cross-stitching (I'll make a future post about why and some projects I have done). I started this in January and honestly, that is the most creative thing I have worked on all year. I've completed 3 projects and started 2 more. Additionally, I learned that my own mum used to cross-stitch, so that was fun.
In regards to the other goals I had: patience and present. If anything, my ability to be patient has worsened. If this was my last baby, I am trying to rush things - rush her to finish nursing, rush her to crawl to walk to say more than babbling to signing. I don't sit and enjoy the cuddles enough - even with my toddler. I forget at times that he's only three. I expect him to act much older than that and constantly have to remind myself that he is only a toddler (and remind my husband).
Not only have I really not been patience, but I haven't been very present. I need to be MORE present.
So, I guess this isn't a fun, uplifting post.
Instead, it's a way for me to visually see that I need to get into editing mode and really dig down and work.
I have already read 60 books - made that goal at least. Did I only read from my physical TBR that I have at home? No. But I did read a few books from there - and I am actually reading some from my "22 Book in 2022". I am also trying to use the library more so that I save on actually purchasing books.
I have made a goal this summer - to work on one thing for one hour a night.
It can be one of these 5 things: editing, writing, drawing, cross-stitching, or reading.
Plus, maybe 30 minutes cleaning a night.
Surely, I can do that for 2 months, right?
Then, just maybe, I can still reach a goal of being published during my 35th year. I have extended that to the full year I am 35 and maybe, who knows, just saying before my oldest is 5. That gives me a little more than a year. That's doable, right?
Sometimes, I wish I could quit my day job for a year and focus on writing. Then if it doesn't work out, go back to it. But, in the world we live in, this is definitely a pipe dream.
As always, keep dreaming and keep writing.
How are your goals going?
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